I’ve fallen in love with the warrior woman who walked through fire, the one who came through stronger, reshaped by sorrow, reformed by grief, reborn in joy.
*There are spoilers in the content warning section below, above the summary. Tread lightly!*
Published: November 2022
Genre: Romance (not a fluffy romance!)
Representation: Black folks
Content Warning: loss of a child; grief; depression; divorce; suicidal ideation; stillborn birth (lead-up to which occurs on-page, but in the past); loss of a full term pregnancy; discussion of high-risk pregnancy, vasectomy, tubal ligation; strained parent-child relationship; off-page death of a loved one; messy divorce following traumatic experience.
Summary
Their love was supposed to last forever. But when life delivered blow after devastating blow, Yasmen and Josiah Wade found that love alone couldn’t solve or save everything.
It couldn’t save their marriage.
Yasmen wasn’t prepared for how her life fell apart, but she’s is finally starting to find joy again. She and Josiah have found a new rhythm, co-parenting their two kids and running a thriving business together. Yet like magnets, they’re always drawn back to each other, and now they’re beginning to wonder if they’re truly ready to let go of everything they once had.
Soon, one stolen kiss leads to another…and then more. It’s hot. It’s illicit. It’s all good–until old wounds reopen. Is it too late for them to find forever? Or could they even be better, the second time around?
— summary from Kennedy Ryan’s website
Review
I first came across Kennedy Ryan by creeping Talia Hibbert on Goodreads (when I used to be active on GR – I have since switched to StoryGraph). As may be apparent through this blog and our Instagram, Bec & I are big fans of THibbs’ diverse romances, so seeing a glowing review written by the queen herself on Kennedy Ryan’s “Queen Move” was the impetus for me finally picking up a novel by her. The first was “Queen Move” and my second was “Before I Let Go”, which I received as an eArc by the publisher for my honest review. I wrote a mini-review at the time, but since its release and my continued rumination on the themes of this book since, I thought the new year would be a perfect time to talk about this book in more depth.
“Before I Let Go” is a romance novel, yes, but at its core, it’s a profoundly impactful, explorative deep-dive into mental health, grieving, the push and pull of familial relationships, and the process of picking oneself up and putting oneself back together after tremendous hardship and personal loss. While this may sound like a bit of a downer – and perhaps make you wonder why I recommend it in the new year – it is as inspiring and thought-provoking as it is emotionally vulnerable and heart-wrenching. In fact, considering the length of the novel, the depth to which these issues were addressed, and the slow-burn of the second-chance romance that’s pivotal to the story, I would hesitate to fully describe this novel as a romance novel and a romance novel only. I find the categorization of books as “romances” presupposes a fluffy-ness that this book simply doesn’t have. It’s raw and emotional and simply put, Kennedy Ryan pulls no punches. The impact on the reader is a gut-punch, and that’s considering the fact that I as a reader have no personal experience with the traumatic events recounted in this book. For that reason, if you identify as a woman or nonbinary person with children or who has struggled with having children, I’d strongly suggest you check out the content warnings in this review before picking up the book itself. I won’t say what exactly occurred as doing so would verge on spoiler territory (and admittedly, I have a bone to pick with how the publisher chose to market this book, where the summary alludes to a romance that is much lighter than this book turned out to be). Nevertheless, the dynamic between our two main characters is angsty and characterized by an intense passion that is evident from the start of the book, making the slow-burn reconciliation and the process of falling back into each other equal parts excruciating and fascinating. The inevitably of the HEA (and there is a HEA) didn’t change the fact that it was a hard-fought happy ending following a long and arduous journey of healing and forgiveness.
Divorce may or may not be. Broken relationships may or may not be. You may never repair those completely but you’re still here to try. Do you recognize what an amazing gift that is? To still be here to try?
The themes were heavy and dark, as I said, so I encourage the utmost care and compassion to oneself before picking up this book. The author does a formidable job handling the sensitive topics carefully, but the heaviness should not be undersold. That being said, as a person who has gone through my own trauma (although the events that I lived through are completely different from the ones described in this book), I found the author’s exploration of grief, depression, self-care, and recovery to be equal parts difficult and inspiring. The process of putting yourself back together after trauma is a slow, painful, and burdensome one, but it is also beautiful and indicative of human resilience, and this book depicts that well. The relationships external to the romantic dynamic – such as the therapeutic relationship, familial bonds, and friendship – were also front and center throughout this whirlwind of a story. I am hugely obsessed with the “found family” trope, more so than I am romance itself (which is hilarious considering the amount of romance I read), so these dynamics are often my favourite parts of books, and Kennedy Ryan certainly did a phenomenal job in rounding out this story with strong, fully-developed supporting characters with beautiful, wholesome relationships. Suffice it to say, I was very much invested in the story from beginning to end.
I believe I could, but I also always assumed I was Teflon, only to find I was papier-mache. My happiness, my wellness, feels like a tenuous ecosystem made up of therapy, coping mechanisms, and a precise dosage of meds. If something disrupts it, what would happen?
Only…is that the truth?
Papier-mache is easily crushed, yet here I am still whole after a series of debilitating losses.
And tenuous? I’ve laid a foundation for my mental health: habit and practices that keep me well. If I feel unwell, I know what to do. When I can’t solve it on my own, I have people in my life who won’t let me stay down.
Our Colourful Pages 